Today heralds the start of
Migraine Awareness Week, which then runs till Saturday 10th September. This is a very personal and important topic to me, especially because of this year's theme "Can you put a price on pain?"
I have suffered from debilitating migraines since I was 9 years old. My father suffered from them in his childhood too so I guess I had the genetic potential, but for me migraine first flared up in a time of stress. I was being bullied at school and my body's way of reacting was to show the stress through my health.
This culminated in the autumn term of Year 5 at school where I had a month off before Christmas. Around this time I was diagnosed and so started back at school in the new year with preventative medication plus medication to take during an attack. You could probably say I'd been suffering with a form or stomach migraine for a couple of years previous, as I kept telling my mum I felt nauseous but there wasn't an obvious reason for it. Most likely I'd been eating things I now know to avoid because of my migraines.
These new attacks were almost daily but fresh each time- I woke up not feeling so bad but at school I would soon feel wretched. I told my parents about the bullying that summer but sadly the school made a complete mess of sorting it out and so it continued.
One year later and I was literally too ill to stick out a whole day in school. The school got completely fed up of this and became less inclined to be helpful and call my mum to pick me up. By February my GP, who is a wonderful lady, decided that in an attempt to get me better I should be pulled out altogether. My day's were spent trying to get me to relax mixed in with art work and workbooks.
That September I took the plunge to start high school. I was extremely nervous about it, but very determined. At this point I was still suffering with migraines but not as a daily occurrence. However, most of the people from my primary school had continued to the local high school. The school year was huge so I didn't have to see the worst offender but soon I found bullying started up again and so did the migraines. By Year 9 my life was a daily living hell. It became clear that if I was going to get any qualifications I needed to move. My parents looked into other options and kindly sent me to the local private school.
I started the school for the last half term of Year 9 and immediately felt so more at ease there. By the start of Year 11 I was much happier and healthier. I was still getting migraines badly for a few days every month but I was on top of my workload.
Then the worst happened. I shall not call it an accident for it was not, so therefore it shall be referred to as an incident. In this incident in November 2007 I suffered a head injury. This injury resulted in whiplash and my migraine spiralling out of control.
Since I started this blog there has literally not been one moment where I have not been in pain.
There was one rather lovely day a little while before my blogging antics began, funnily enough on an exam day. I somehow got through my GCSEs despite missing half the year due to the work done before my injury and how excellent my memory was. I started A Levels full time and taking four subjects: English Literature, Art, History and Philosophy and Ethics. I really loved all these subjects, I was an essay writing fiend, however after a few weeks English Lit had to go. In the spring I started out a new course of medication and this was a complete disaster.
My memory went, I started completely loosing my eyesight. I am still recovering from the effects and my stomach is so fragile I cannot stomach basic painkillers like I could before. My lot is now to have a couple of paracetamol only when things are at their very worst. The art exam is really early in the year at the school I was at and it became obvious I couldn't do it. I dropped out completely but continued my weekly half hour LAMDA lesson (like a musical instrument lesson but with acting) and took my exam in that, if a little later than the other students. Going up to Manchester on that day I could actually forget my pain for a few hours- bliss.
In the September I started at college which allowed me to go in just for my lessons and I took up Fine Art and Fashion and Textiles, two subjects I enjoy but have far less writing! One of the odd things that happened after the medication fiasco was that I completely forgot my handwriting! How weird is that?
There've been stories in the news about people who change accent when they have a migraine. With me my diction is really hard to keep up. At my best I sound like I've had elocution lessons, at other times my own mother can barely tell what I'm saying.
Can you put a price on pain?
Well the price is more than just on pain. There's the dizziness, the (lack of) concentration and eyesight, the nausea, the nightmare of travel, my inability to cross roads safely (though I am getting better at that over time, there have been some very near misses). There are people who literally become partially paralysed when they are struck with a migraine. I cannot live a normal person's life with my body and yes I do consider myself disabled. Things are not so easy for me as an able-bodied person. How am I meant to attempt a full time education or full time job?
Last summer I saw an article that made me overjoyed. It was on the new use of Botox for migraine. I know mine is to do with the muscles in my neck to do with the injury, even the muscles on my face are often tight, uncomfortable and very, very painful. It seemed the perfect thing for me! My GP and I have literally come to the end of the line so far as normal medication goes.
So in I go with my article printed out and feeling hope for the first time in years. But wait, there's a problem and it comes from the cuts being made by the Government. Long standing chronic conditions which are not immediately life threatening in themselves are being tragically neglected. It is not that the treatment has been wiped off the NHS altogether but local Primary Care Trusts are being left to decide what to do with their limited funding. My area got hit, and it seems far more did than didn't.
I've been left trying to find out where to go private. Yes it is very expensive. And we don't even know where to go! It's not just finding someone who does the Botox treatment, it's finding someone who is practised at knowing how to use it not just to get rid of crows feet but migraine too.
This all leaves me feeling lost and still suffering from constant pain. When I started this blog the most I could do was sit up in bed with my laptop, and I'm so grateful to have come on from this. I'm also very lucky to have amazing parents and a wonderful best friend, who I found since leaving school. Last year I also went on a pain management course which was excellent and taught me some really good techniques for coping and organising myself.
I was determined to start high school and I'm determined to this day. I like blogging and the routine it provides, and I grew a lot from my time being a debutante in the London Season- those trips to London were huge steps for me. My life is enriched by interesting trips and wearing clothes that I enjoy. True I take a while to recover after each day out, but they are definitely worth it. Some days are worse than others, or even months at a time like early this year, but I've never given up completely. I'm a perfectionist so it hurts that I'm now not the perfect academic student. However, I'm going to be the best blogger I can and I may not be going the usual route, but I am jolly well going to sell my paintings and have the best life I can.
